Closest to a Snowy Heart
by Rubyredwolves
Summary: Red Snow friendship. Snow is distraught after the incident when Regina rips her heart out, and shows her the dark spot in it. Charming comforts her, but Snow realizes Red is the only one who knows her the best, and can acctually comfort her. Snow goes to Red, and Red makes her feel better. Mentions of the death of Peter, Anita, and Cora. (Yeah, I know, I'm terible at summaries)


Snow's head was buried in the crook of Charming's shoulder, unshed tears threatening to spill over her eyelids. "I'd know better than anyone." Snow frowned at the words. She tried to pull away a bit, but Charming continued to hug her tightly. She realized it wasn't true. Charming couldn't see her frown or her expression of deep thought while her face was hidden behind him. Charming had never understood. He got angry at her when she told him! He asked why she didn't tell him! Well wasn't it obvious? She thought he was closest to her, and would understand no matter what. She had been looking at it all wrong the entire time! He never went through those experiences of murder. He pretended to, but she knew deep in her heart that he could never truly understand. He would never understand wanting to _die_! When he was a knight, he never even showed remorse after his kills! That is how she knew. There was only one person who would never judge her. Who would understand. Who would help her. Who would not pretend. Who would be honest with the experience. The one person who went through murder, along with those dark thoughts following just as she. Red.

"I'm tired David, we can talk-" her voice wavered, knowing the dishonesty of her next words. "In the morning," she continued. "I knew you'd be the one person who'd understand..." Charming smiled in relief and comfort. She would finally open up and get over Cora's death. Well... That's what he thought anyway...

"David, maybe... Would you let me be alone tonight?" she asked quietly. Charming frowned slightly and knit his eyebrows together in confusion. His eyes searched hers, struggling to read them. Another sign that he would never truly understand.

"Um, sure Mary Margaret, anything," he responded quickly. The wheels were turning in his head. What was the motive of this? He quickly came to the conclusion she would never lie, and she was just distraught, so he stepped back, looked into her eyes for a second before he turned away, and headed up the stairs with a nod.

Snow was left standing there, looking up the flight of steps to make sure he wouldn't double back down and try to convince her otherwise.

He lingered for a brief moment, but realized she wouldn't budge until he left. She was stubborn like that. He turned right at the top of the steps, and he was finally out of sight. Snow let out her pent up breath in a sigh of relief. She leaned back against the wall, looked up the stairs, and turned on her heel toward the door. She stood for only a moment in front of the door, quickly glanced back at the stairs, and opened the door slowly and carefully. She was headed for the one person she could be truly open with. The one who had been fully open to her. She set her face in a grim line, and headed out of the house, into the cold streets of Storybrooke.

At a rather brisk pace, Snow walked down the street on her way to Granny's Bed and Breakfast. Not a single person was out on the street. Everything seemed eerily silent. She was ashamed that she had not gone to Red sooner. Now looking back upon it, she realized what the extra attention from Red was about. She was too wrapped in her grief, and was blind to Red's desperate desire to help her. Red knew what it was like. She knew not to directly confront the situation. The grieved one must be the one to open up first. Forcing one into thinking and talking about something was never of any use. Conversations would be strained, short, and dishonest then. Red knew better than Charming, who always directly opened up the wounds she tried to forget in an attempt at comfort. An unskilled doctor will not bandage wounds properly. In his attempt to do so correctly, he will simply reopen the scars we try to hide.

Snow knocked on the door, and was greeted by a tired Granny. Granny looked surprised to see her, but covered the shock with a warm smile.

"Well, Mary Margaret, what brings you here this late at night?" She asked curiously with a slight tilt of her head. Snow nearly snickered at the way Granny always cocked her head like a wolf when she was wondering something. Snow smiled, and answered with the most confidence she could muster, "I was, well, wondering if I could talk to Re-erm, Ruby?" Granny nodded, seemingly oblivious to the faltering in Snow's voice.

"Um, of course, it's kinda late and all, but if you can deal with Ruby's grumpiness at this hour, that's fine." Granny and Snow smiled. That familiar kind sparkle in her eyes showed the kind soul beneath her gruff appearance. Granny jerked her head in the direction of the stairs, and said, "room 112," rather bluntly in her exhaustion. Granny would not let any other customer come in at such a late hour, but she knew how much Snow had always meant to Red. That was why she made the exception. Snow nodded, and walked up the steps.

"Just try not to wake anyone else, alright?"

Snow nodded back at her again, and completed her climb up the steps.  
Snow hesitated in front of the Red's door, wondering if it would be wiser not to have her best friend woken up. She had already gotten this far, so she decided against heading back. She took a deep breath, and brought her fist to the door. With Red's superior hearing, Red was up at the door before Snow could even knock twice.

She looked really annoyed for a moment.

"Granny, I told you, leave m..."

Red looked up, and the creases of frustration lining her face softened into a huge toothy smile. "Sn- Mary Margaret!" Red grabbed her friend in a tight embrace, Snow just cuddled into the space above Red's shoulder, hugging Red even more tightly back. Red held her for a moment, then stepped back, still holding her best friend's shoulders as she searched her face. Red's eyes flit across her friend's face, then softened even more, sensing the reason why Snow came before she even mentioned it. Red patted down and smoothed her hair back quickly, self-conscious of her major bed-head. Snow felt the tears welling up within before they even surfaced. She mentally kicked herself for breaking down so quickly.

"I just needed to talk to you Red! David just never understands!" Snow exclaimed in exasperation.

Snow began to sob slightly, starting to release the pent up shame she never let out.

"Shh, Snow, I'm here. Ya wanna talk about it more?"

Snow nodded distractedly.

"Come ere' Snow," Red said gently, leading her to the edge of the bed. Red sat down, and patted to spot next to her, signaling Snow to sit down beside her. Snow obliged, and they sat down next to each other on the edge of the bed in silence for a moment, the silence only being broken by Snow's quiet sniffling breaths, and the random buzzing of the radiator.

Snow rested her head on Red's knee, and Red soothingly brushed the tips of her fingernails up and down Snow's arm and shoulder, and she gently rubbed circles on Snow's back with her other hand as Snow curled up against her. Red's gentle comforting strokes encouraged Snow to open up to her. Red knew not to ask, or start the conversation. Snow would pour out her pain all in due time, and forcing her to do so would not help Snow one bit. Eventually, after one long moment, Snow's sniffling turned to whimpers, and she snuggled against Red even more fiercely. Snow didn't let go, and Red didn't want her to. She knew exactly how it felt. Snow had done the same for her after all. Right after Peter's death, Red was too distraught to even move. The full blame was on her. She never blamed the wolf, she blamed herself. The wolf _was_ herself, after all. Sure, she was bitter at Granny for not telling her the truth, but Granny didn't kill him.

She did.

Snow was always there. On the run together, she was always there. Always there to pick her up when she fell down from the overwhelming grief. She couldn't believe she almost stayed with her mother.

Anita made her forget the pain, because that was what it meant to be a wolf. Anita never comforted her to make the trauma slowly fade. She had to hide it, and just let the pain build up inside. After the death of Anita, on the other hand, was a totally different story. Beforehand, with Peter, there was that simple slight assurance that she was not in control when she had killed Peter. That was the small cushion Red needed to prevent her from crossing that fine line between wanting to pay for her actions, and just simply being filled with overwhelming sadness, shame, and resentment.

"I-I went to Regina Red!"

Red's eyes widened at the thought of what could have happened to her best friend. Red looked at Snow with the unspoken question. Why?

Before Snow could say a word, she knew the answer.

With Anita, well, she had been in full control. That is what pushed her over the line. She had killed of her own free will. She pretended to be strong. But really, she had lost her family. And it was all her fault.

She said she protected it. And she had. She truly had. But at that time, there was still so much hatred of herself. She wanted to pay for taking a life that day.

She had even tried to make herself pay.

That was what Snow had been trying to do.

Snow was the thing that kept her going all those years ago. Kept her from sinking into the dark, deep waters of self doubt and self loathing. Snow was her reason for living. Snow gave her something to protect. Now Red had to be here for Snow. Prevent Snow from letting those dark thoughts bubble to the surface of her consciousness that she had once let do so for herself once before.

"Oh, Snow," she said lovingly and emotionally. "You can't let yourself think like that! Just think about the people you protected. Your family. Emma, Henry... David. If Cora dying was the only way to keep them safe would you do it? Think of all those other lives you saved by taking that one."

"But still, I killed Red, I killed. I don't want to be a killer. I don't care how horrid she was. I still tricked Regina into killing her own mother! Her own mother, Red, I don't feel like... Me... Anymore," Snow rambled in an emotional outburst she could no longer contain.

"Snow, look at me," Red instructed firmly. Snow slowly looked up, and gazed into her best friends face.

Red gulped, tears threatening to well up.

"I killed my own mother, but I did it to protect you. You had to do what you needed to do to protect the ones you love. Think about those things. I know you feel... Lost... Like you don't know who you are anymore... But think about the ones who love you, that are safe because of you. I killed my mother for you, and don't think I wouldn't do it again and again, if it meant keeping you safe, Snow!"

"I don't want to be like Mr. Gold though, he says he tells himself he did the right thing, and he eventually believes it. I don't want to be like him."

"You are nothing like him Snow. He shows no remorse, you do. You would never be celebrating your kills, now would you?"

Snow quietly shook her head.

"See, that's why you're different than all of them. You truly care."

Snow shoved her head back into the space between Red's shoulder and head, hugging her even more fiercely, pushing Red over so that they were laying right next to each other. Snow curled up into a ball right at Red's side, sobbing into her shoulder, Red still caressing her friend's shoulder in an attempt to calm her.

"My heart is turning black!" Snow blurted out.

A shocked expression overcame Red's face.

"No Snow, you're good. That's not possible. That could never happen to someone as good as you!"

"But it can! Wh-when I went to Regina... She-she ripped out m-my heart. There's a black spot there! My heart's darkening, there's nothing I can do about it!" Snow stuttered with a tremendous amount of emotion.

"Yes there is Snow," she said firmly. "Just look at August!" She said in a forcefully bright tone.

"But it cost him... Everything!"

Red gave her friend a quick squeeze, "Snow, if anyone could redeem themselves, it would be you. You have the purest heart of anyone I've ever known."

"But-"

I don't care if there is some stupid black spot. That one action doesn't define you as a person Snow! The rest of your life is what defines you as a whole. Think about all those you've helped! Think about me. -Without you, I wouldn't even be here right now! I couldn't have escaped my village alive! I could have never gotten over-" Red's voice wobbled. She looked away at the wall a moment, but after a small pause, looked back at Snow again, and continued on determinately, " What happened to Peter... Not even my mother! Without you I wouldn't have made it."

"I need you," Red whispered inaudibly to herself, not loud enough so that Snow could even hear.

Snow stayed silent, still not lifting her head from Red's shoulder.

"If your family was going to die Snow, would you do it?"

"...Do what?" Snow asked, her voice muffled from being buried in Red's sleeve.

"Ya know... Kill. If it was absolutely the only way to keep your family safe."

Snow raised her head up, drying her eyes with her arm and the edge of her shirt sleeve. She frowned thoughtfully, and after a moment, her voice pained and shameful, she whispered, "yes."

Snow broke down into another fit of sobs, tears streaking down her face one after the other. Red hated to see her this way. She couldn't bear it!

"Shh... Snow, that's what you did. Your family would have been killed, so you had to. Your heart is what you make it. If you never do anything but protect people the darkness will fade. All you've ever done is help! You would never hurt a soul! If you stay this way, if you never move past this, the darkness will spread… Just don't kill yourself over it...please… I've tried that, but it won't help anyone if you do that to yourself, okay... Especially not your family and me... You have to move on. Remember what you told me all those years ago? I had to keep on going. I had to be good. I had to move past my mother's murder... This way, I could redeem myself. I hated myself, but I needed another goal to redeem myself in my own eyes... So long as it was a good goal, a noble goal, I wouldn't feel so... _Lost_... Anymore." Red poured all of her raw emotion into her words, comforting and convincing Snow as much as she possibly could. It was rare to see Red so passionate and emotional. It was the side Red tried to hide from those not as close to her. Red thought it made her look weak, but in Snow's eyes, it showed nothing but strength.

Snow's sobbing ceased for a moment. "You're right, Red-" "Well, I guess, I was right," she snickered though she had tear stains marking her whole face. Red and Snow shared a light laugh. Any tension from the beginning was absolutely gone. All of their walls were broken down to each other, and there seemed to be a little less pain shrouding Snow's face. Seeing Red really had helped.

"I-I, I have to move past this. I- My heart, you really think it'll be alright again if I do good?" Snow asked with a slight quiver in her voice.

"Yes, Snow, yes, it's not only about your actions, it's also about your feelings about your actions. You. Are. Good. No bad person would be so upset over this like you. That just shows how good you are!"

"What if you're wrong?" Snow asked, doubt lacing her voice.

"I'm not. Never doubt a wolf," Red smiled.

Snow laughed lightly, and Red brought her hand to Snow's cheek, gently brushing away the tears gathering there.

"You know how else I know?"

Snow gave her a quizzical look.

Red pointed to the spot where Snow's heart was."Right there." Snow smiled, her eyes crinkling a bit, showing how much better she felt than when she first came. Snow began to weep again, but this time the tears were different. They were of happiness. Appreciation of having such a great friend. Having Red.

Red hugged Snow gently, and gave her a quick squeeze. Letting Snow know she was there. That she wouldn't leave her though she had killed. That was the best comfort of all. That someone honestly thought she was good, and continued to stand by her.

"And Snow, your heart still sounds the same after all, I would notice of there was anything different," Red said reassuringly with a smile

Snow smiled again, and so did Red. Then a look of deep thought clouded Red's face.

"What is it Red?" Snow asked urgently.

"Hmm, oh, it's nothing bad, I was just... Thinking..."

Snow waited stubbornly for elaboration.

"There was something my mother told me... Once one controls something, one no longer need fear it... But it's kinda always been the other way around... With the wolf... Once I didn't fear it, I could control it... Maybe it's the same with the dark spot-" she broke off thoughtfully. "You were scared of it, right?" Red asked suddenly.

Snow nodded hesitantly, not sure where Red was going with this.

"It'll spread... If you fear it. If you're not scared, and confident in yourself, you can control it! Contain it! Or make it fade! It's the same with the wolf thing, AND those nightmares Henry was having from the sleeping curse! He said Mr. Gold told him once he controls the journey, fear will stop, or something like that. It's just like what my mother told me! It works both ways though! Once you control it, there's nothing to fear, but also, once you don't fear it, there's no reason you won't be able to control it! Your heart won't darken Snow! Just don't be afraid!" Red exclaimed brightly. You could almost see the wheels turning a mile a minute in her head... Not to mention she was also talking a mile a minute.

Snow gave her that doubtful look that only Snow was the master of, but nothing would ever stop Red when she was on to something. Red's whole face was lit up from her idea. Despite all of this, a yawn still escaped Red's lips. Snow smirked, but realized how tired she was as well. She glanced at the clock. 2:12.

She sighed. We can talk in the morning, k."

Red pushed out her bottom lip to make a sad face, and gave the saddest puppy eyes physically possible in mock sadness. It was all she could do to keep the puppy face without bursting into laughter. Snow chuckled. "Not gonna work on me Red, tomorrow morning.

Red frowned exaggeratedly in defeat. They both smiled.

All was silent.

"Red?" Snow said gently.

Red cocked her head. "Yeah?"

"Thanks for being here."

"Of course Snow! Anything for you..." she trailed off.

Snow snuggled closely to Red.

"Ya know how you said we have to be with the ones we love as we don't feel lost... Well..." she paused a moment, "I- I don't feel lost now..." she whispered.

Red snuggled closely to Snow. Just like all those years ago in the cabin, huddling to keep warm, and keep the guilt and sadness Red had been overcome with at bay. Only this time Red was comforting Snow. It sure felt nice to be the one to help.

"Does David know you're here?" Red inquired, she hated to ruin such a peaceful moment, but she figured she had to.

Snow groaned. "No," she replied in annoyance and sleepiness.

"Umm, shouldn't you head back... Knowing him, he'll send out an army or, like, a huge search party in the morning..."

"I don't care."

"Wont this seem... Kinda awkward though?"

Snow only responded by hugging Red more tightly.

Red looked up in exasperation, and with a sigh of defeat, she settled down in the most comfortable position possible with Snow's arms still stubbornly wrapped around her.

There was no arguing with a stubborn sleepy Snow White.

Snow's ragged breathing, most likely from crying so much, eventually evened out, and Snow fell asleep beside Red, clutching her tightly as if she was the only thing keeping her alive. I guess, in a way, she was! Eventually Snow's grip loosened, and Red was able to roll off of the bed and stretch. Snow whimpered in response, but did not wake.

"Don't worry Snow… I'll never leave you."

Red quickly and stealthily retrieved an extra blanket from her messy closet, and threw it over Snow. She didn't want Snow to get cold! Red crept back in with her, and fell in a fitful sleep beside her best friend. Just like old times. She wished it could just stay that way forever. Just she and Snow. Together. Independent. Running free in the woods. Things don't stay perfect forever, but Red was satisfied to be able to help out this one time. Be the only one to help. Even if it was only briefly… _be the one closest to Snow's heart._


End file.
